Patterns of Error

Three patterns of error that I can easily identify when looking back at my first two papers written for English 101 are excessive wording, sentence fragments, and an over usage of commas.

• Excessive wording as a result of a constant formal tone- For myself, I struggle with writing in a constant formal tone when it is usually never needed. As I find myself often writing in a way that I do not EVER speak in,  excessive wording seems to be a major downfall throughout my work. I tend to add in words that literally have no meaning.  I feel that if I make my work more wordy, it will appear to my teacher that I am placing more emphasize or greater meaning upon what I am speaking of; clearly that has not been the result of my word choice.  Our first essay was a Narrative essay, while the other was an Ad analysis. Writing in a formal tone, which resulted with being excessively wordy took meaning away from my Narrative essay. Instead of my essay being written in a more personal tone,  my bad habits took away from the meaning of my paper. It sounded as if someone else wrote my paper. For my ad analysis, I tended to repeat myself over and over. I found myself just rewriting the same thought over and over but in different ways. This affected my paper because it resulted with the little evidence that I was able to present as weak. Also, in result of being excessively wordy, my work appears to drag on for too long of a time until my main point is able to be identified.
• Sentence fragments as a result of a constant formal tone- While also looking back at the first two essays that we had written for English 101 sentence fragments seemed to be a constant mistake as well. As I had already explained before, writing in a formal tone has affected my writing overall. Because I write in a formal tone 9 out of 10 times, sentence fragments are repetitively seen throughout my work. This affects my work because my thoughts never appear to be completed. My work seems to always be grammatically wrong. Because I write in a formal tone, I sometimes feel that sentence fragments sound appropriate. This is only because I rehearse my work in a different way than others.
• Commas- Personally, I feel that I use commas too often in my work. In result of this bad habit my work is often grammatically incorrect. Clearly, this results with the grammatical portion of my papers to lose points.

To avoid making these silly mistakes that can be easily fixed, I will make sure that I reread my work over and over to make sure that these errors vanish from upcoming papers that are due soon. Also, I will have either my older brother or mom who is extremely good at writing to revise my work.

Assignment #8- Thinking About Arguments. The $78 Million Bag!

This article explores the many aspects in which government and police officials are wasting time, energey, and money when arresting and prosecuting those for the possession of marijuna. According to this article, it costs  $78 million alone for the possession of marijuna, with an average of $10 million more when considering the growing and selling of marijuna. With problamatic factors dealing with tax increases, layoffs, service cuts, along with other stopgap measures, county commissioner John Fristchey proposes the idea of the legalization of marijana due to the worries of these costs soon arising, along with the doubt that these tabs will soon reduce. With marijuana arrests being the leading cause of arrests within the Chicago Police Department, there has been an annual 23,000 marijana related arrests throughout the past several years, which is the same amount of arrests dealing with assualt and battery arrests COMBINED. With marijuna busts currently consuming more than 84,000 police work hours a year, these arrests are proven to be a waste of time. After prosessing a convicted criminal, court cases which need to be opened average out to cost atleast $2,500 just to be opened. Problem is, nine out of ten court cases involved with the possession of marijana are dropped, still resulting in the loss of money.  What is even more mindblowing is that police officials are usually paid overtime, granted they make a simple five minute appearance at a court case posing as a witness.  Even so, law enforcement has seemed to vary within our county. While some areas are simply ticketed for these offenses, others are arrested. This article stresses the importance of change within our unjust and unfair law unforcement system within Cook County. Ultimately, with 28,000 arrests, it's safe to say Cook County residents are paying at least $70 million a year to arrest and prosecute people caught carrying pot, this is, not inclusing the $8 million more in cost for incarnation.

The reason why I had chosen to select this article dealt with the fact that I see Marijana as an ongoing problem in our society today. I feel that most, if not all peoples have encountered weed at one time or another in there lives, that is why I found myself able to relate to this topic. Because I found myself interested in this topic, I think that I will have an easier time writing my paper.

Also, dealing with the fact that this article discusses a very controversial topic in which Chicago takes part in dealing with marijuana, interested me to chose it. If we are able to legalize marijuana, we will be benefiting ourselves in the longrun. By elimnating the many expenses that we have been forced to pay in result of the arresting of those who take part in the possession of marijuana, we will be benefiting our lives in aspects of jobs, taxes, and etc.

Writing I :)

One way in which I feel that my writing process has improved is through the peer review worksheets. Through these activities, I feel that I am not only critiqued positively, but also negatively. Because most reviewers try to be as honest as possible, I feel that this allows for me to catch mistakes that seemed to come invisible to my own eye.. Also, I feel like through the fact that students in English 101 with Ms. Spencer are able to rewrite and revise their papers after the final draft,  really benefits our grades, but also us as writers. With the only options being to meet with someone in the writing lab or with Ms. Spencer, I feel that this improves our writing skills tremendously. With the one on one environment that we are placed in while discussing our papers, these conferences able us to pick up personal writing skills that we may be lacking. With true, honest feedback about our writing techniques, skills, and format, I feel that these two aspects of class better our writing skills
Personally, what has been one HUGE change in my writing technique is the choice of tone that I find myself using. Through a one on one meeting with Ms. Spencer, she had comfronted me about my choice of tone being problematic. Through this, she explained that I had almost seemed to be forcing myself to write as if I were smarter than I really am; a tone that is not necessary needed for this writing class. Because of this feedback, I now find myself trying to write in a more casual tone, a tone that is easier and more natural to understand. With this feedback, the way that I chose to word and structure my blog posts and papers has changed dramatically.

Literacy Narratives Vs. Analysis'

By: Chad Hirsch

Purpose: Through a crazy scene full of bright colors and randomness on the man's body, old spice is able to show that their deodorant is just as awesome as everything else that is in the picture.

Audience: The audience for this advertisement is definitely geared towards men. This ad appeals to men because of its contents. The only line, " Become one of the freshest smelling places on earth", helps the advertisement appeal to men. Also this man looks very "manly" which would also appeal to other men trying to become more "manly". 

Genre: This ad is a lot like the other advertisements by old spice. They are very outgoing and very unique. Each ad has this man in it along with some ridiculous thing that is happening. This ad along with the other Old Spice ads get the point across about this deodorant being for only "manly" men.

Tone: The tone of this advertisement is very vibrant colors.It is also full of random objects on the mans shoulders and upper body. There is only one line of text as well.

----->Because I was unable to comment on Chad's blog, I decided to post my reaction here:
I feel that Chad does an exellent job in identifing the audience. He hit rock on. Through this manly advertisement, what would even lure a women to look into it with more detail? Nothing. Through a buff man, canoes, snakes, and dragons, women can hardily relate to any of these things. But, on the other hand, I feel that the tone of his blog is sort of vague. Chad should mention something along the lines as through the vivid coloring and unusual items mixed into one picture, this ad displays a capivating, lively, unordinary tone.

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Many similiarties, but also differences are seen when comparing a narrative essay to an analysis paper. For my Literacy Narrative, the purpose of my paper was to tell a story. To be able to intrigue its readers, captivate their attention, and express a a meaningful story is what my narrative essay consisted of. While the tone can either be formal or informal, in my case, I wrote formally, considering the fact that I would be turning it in for a grade and writing for my audience who consisted of other writers and my teacher. The genre of my narrative essay easiest comapred to a story, which is meant to entertain its audience. And in the end, my audience appeared to be my classmates and teacher, which forced me to write in detail, seeing as most do not personally know me just yet.

In comparison, my ad anaylsis showed some differences, but also similiaries . As my audience and tone appeared to stay the same,  the purpose and genre had seemed to change. As my audience stayed the same in comparison to my Narrative essay, I found myself writing for other writers and my teacher once again. As for the tone, although I had to portray myself to my audience as if I were an expert on what I was speaking about, I still found myself writing formally. This time, the purpose of my paper was to persuade my audience. By supporting my statements with detailed descriptions and explanitory reasonings, my purpose needed to be executed just right. No lose ends could just be laying around. Every sentence had to hold great meaning, which would later benefit me and the point that I was trying to prove later on.  Lastly, the genre no longer seemed to be in the format of a story. This time, it seemed to fit in the category of a persuasive atricale.

In the end, when assigned an essay to complete, rhetorical situations pan out each and every move a writer makes. Through the observance of your audience, a writer is able to identify which tone is best to reach out to their audience through. While in whichever category an essay falls under, a writer is able to identify their purpose.

REVISIONS! REVISIONS! REVISIONS!

• From a distance, no changes seem to be apparent when trying to distinguish my final and rough draft.  But, it is when one seems to get close, maybe too close to the paper.. that is when changes can be easily identified. Easily, one is able to acknowledge the fact that my intro paragraph had grown in size when comparing my draft to my final paper. Also, the length in my final paper had also grown. In comparison to to my rough draft, my final paper had successfully reached a full three pages, unlike my draft where it was a wimpey, two and a half pages. 

• For the content, organization, and focus.. I tended to stay consistant with my rough draft in comparison to my final paper.  This is because, I believed that the way i had organized my paper, had portrayed the story best and portrayed my feelings easiest. So, I found myself adding more details that allowed my paper to appear stronger than it was originally, while I aimed my papers focus on how i originally wrote it for my rough draft.

• Yes, after writing my final paper, I found many simple, gramatical errors that I shortly fixed after understanding the reasoning behind it's error.  Also, I found ways to better the ways I had originally stated things, which allowed for my paper to read more smoothely and understandable.

• What allowed myself to revise my paper easiest was being able to read the remarks that my peer reviewer had felt the need to say.  Along with these guidelines of a readers reaction, I also found it helpful when I reread the paper alone, a few hours later.  This allowed myself to pick up mini errors that I wasn't able to pick up on before.

• What I believe is the strongers aspect of my paper is the relativity that my experience can/should have with many students and readers like myself.  My story is a very understandable life experience that I'm sure many have delt with before as well. This aspect makes for my essay to appear of interest.  But, I do believe that the weakest aspect of my paper is the detail and the explanation of the BIGGER picture through this experience of my own.  I could have portrayed what also this experience had helped me grow in the areas of, which I had unsuccessfuly seemed to portray.